16 September 2008
My moods been down lately since the summer break started...I'm really disappointed with whats happened. I didn't get to do anything of what I planned for. I'm getting more depressed as each day passes. I know this is a test of my patience but I really don't like waiting.
For the past 2 months I've had this pain in my body..I didn't think it was serious but it hasn't stopped..I don't know if it's cause I don't eat properly or that it is just a phase. Now I'm starting to feel like it's serious. The pain is unbelievable and comes randomly everyday. I hate the hospital and hate medication and hate feeling like there is something wrong with me. This is turning into a post of complaint...sorry if I disappointed you.
I smile and laugh the WHOLEEEEEEE day...but when it's time to sleep and I'm sitting there alone I just feel like crying..God how I wish I was an airhead and that I didn't have to think or worry. I wish I could just live day by day without worrying about what will happen later..I get occasional suicidal thoughts :P I wouldn't do it cause its wrong and I know I would end up hurting my family! I hate my personality because I care so much.
Why can't I just change?
Maybe the world would be a better place without me...